C5 Squadron Attacks Road Atlanta
by Racer Dan
It was late Thursday night by the time we finally got the team organized and the teleport machine working. We had been working on a secret project for over 3 weeks, day and night. Ed Simmons, our Electronics guru had flown down from North Carolina to assist with the reprogramming. Then there was Shane who flew in from Bowling Green with his friend Michael to help on the computer set-ups.
While John Rupp was prepping his own Red Racer for the weekend, Glen had been here for several weeks doing the assembling of the unit with the help of Blue Streak and a couple of top secret pilots.
The machine must have weighed a couple of tons, as we slide it off of the General Motors trailer. Thank goodness it had a lift gate on it! We had no problems getting the truck into our top secret hanger at Tara Field. Finally, with no time to spare, we were able to try out the machine.
We had been sent the drawings of the modifications from Detroit. The engineers at the General's headquarters had been hoping it would be trouble free, and we were too, since there is no time to run a test on it. It was now or never!
You see, we were in the middle of a great new idea. There was a race coming up this weekend, and we wanted to find a way to carry out our mission. It was not to be released until after the weekend was over, so now that I have the clearance, I will tell you the story behind the scenes.
We had plans to teleport a prototype C6 Corvette to the Road Atlanta race, but at the last minute, the Corvette was delayed at the plant. The plant workers in Bowling Green were working overtime to produce top quality C5 Corvettes, and had not been able to spend enough of their free time to this project. As a result, we had no Corvette to teleport.
One of the engineers, I will call him "Tom," was responsible to place a C6 in the capsule, but since it was not done, he placed only the motor, and a model of a Porsche in it as a joke!
Meanwhile, back at the hanger in Atlanta, we were feverishly working to get the machine fired up. And once we did, Ed hit the teleport button. A red flashing light continued to revolve for several minutes, and finally stopped, signally the transport was finished.
I wish I had a camera to document the shock on all of our faces when we opened the door. There, in the middle of the floor of this huge machine was a life-size Porsche, with a HUGE Corvette engine bursting from the engine compartment in the rear of this German junket!
"Now what can we possibly do with THIS!" I asked, and all of the crew were deeply disappointed. But, since the C5 Squadron is never without an imagination, we put our minds together for a NEW plot.
First we wanted to accomplish two things. Build the Corvette name, and make sure the "Old Warrior" up from Texas was in the running for fastest car of the day.
Well, we trailered the Porsche up to the track, and one of the top secret C5 Squadron Pilots got the chore of driving it. He had a lot of experience on a modified Corvette in the early 80's so he could handle the power.
He did a great job. As the Porsche would pass an M3 BMW, it would always wait until nobody was able to see him, usually on a curve. Then he would hit the accelerator, and BLOW the M3 off the track!
The pilot continued to pass M3's and wipe them out at an alarming rate. Even a Honda got in the way, and caught fire after the C6 powered beast blasted past him so fast.
Now that the weekend is over, we have to admit that we had not planned on someone sabotaging our own plan. Staging as a new member of the C5 Fighter Squadron, this spy found out of our mission, and attempted to destroy our reputation.
In an effort to make it look like we were behind the sabotage, this spy secretly sabotaged a ZR1 driven by the Old Warrior. Several months ago you may remember a twinkie attack on the Old Warrior. Well this spy secretly shoved over 200 twinkies up the exhaust pipe of the ZR1, well known as the Turq. It was not detected, and therefore affected the performance of this LT5 powered beast. The only signs of trouble were several empty wrappers in the trash can by the cold pit area. Several Porsche owners were also involved in this vandalism.
But, alas the story does not end here. Since the Turq's owners were happily tipping beers with the C5 Squadron in their secret hanger, there was no way the blame could have been placed on them.
And to help document this attempt to shame someone, the event was actually captured on the US Government's C-118XT Spy satellite, and the culprit is well identified in several photos!
Being purple in color, he is about 24" tall and has a distinct tail protruding from his backside. Now this figure is on wanted posters in several states, as a fleeing felon. Originally living in California, he is suspected as a key figure in the involvement of the mass suicide in southern California last week as well.
Anyone seeing a figure matching this description, should contact the C5 Squadron Command post immediately.
Meanwhile, the Squadron successfully restored the original condition of the Turq prior to its' departure on Sunday for Texas.
In an effort to show support of the ZR1 Corvettes, the C5 Squadron is offering a reward for the capture and torture of this criminal. More to follow later.
Save the wave, support the museum.